the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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