I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
