dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
