I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
