I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
