He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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