wrigley field is MILF paradise
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Someone shit on the floor
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
