Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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