somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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