Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
