Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
