Who did Billy Mays play for?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
