You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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