All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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