I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
