Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
organizing the empties. That sober.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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