I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
