I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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