before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
