It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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