I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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