My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
