Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
