The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
