The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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