I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
