dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
