Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
