I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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