Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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