So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
