The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
