I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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