I smell stomach acid.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
