I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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