Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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