I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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