drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
