Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
