my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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