Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
