i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
