she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
