i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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