Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Damn victory sex feels great
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
