no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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