somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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