so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
