If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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