you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
