i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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