dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
