goodnight i made you a song goodbye
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize