I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
