the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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