I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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