So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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