It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
