You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
