Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
