3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
