weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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