Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
