I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do herpes really smell.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
