so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
