Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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