I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
