Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We talked him into tasing himself.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
FUCK WHALES
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
