i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I donāt mind that heās uncircumcised. Itās the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Donāt get me wrongāI love silver and braceletsābut handcuffs are not a good look on meā¦
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