As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
