These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
