I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
