theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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