shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize