omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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