Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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