I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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