Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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