Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
