I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
