Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You've changed since you got that strap on
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
