Please, let me fuck your mom
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
