The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
