I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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