Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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