Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
