Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
