I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
