My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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