The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize