4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
