Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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