Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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