bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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