my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
