White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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