I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
