I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
