Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
