ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
