I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
