You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
