did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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