apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
