My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize