Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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