There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
